Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 11 May 2010

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Too much oil in that vinaigrette

Formerly famous for their lightly Cajun spiced vinaigrette salad dressing, "French Quarter Foods" has decided to close its doors of operation after 25 years of producing quality Cajun sauces.

Overwhelmed with calls from customers who were concerned about the oil content in their vinegar and oil salad dressings, the normally small customer service department at "FQF" was crushed with customer calls looking for product assurances. Returned cases of the product were also showing up on their loading dock. After a week of receiving more bottles of vinaigrette than they were shipping out, the company decided to close its doors.

"We can't convince them that the oil portion of our dressing is extra virgin olive oil, instead of the stuff we're skimming off the ocean just outside the city", says FQF owner Harry Follicles. "I mean, the olive oil we use is a little darker that our competitors, sure, but c'mon. We had a good product here."

French Quarter Foods' closest competitor, Atlanta Motor Oil and Salad Dressing Company will benefit directly from the closure. "We'll corner the market, easy", says president, Lou Brikkant. "Too bad that rumor got started about their oil being a little too flammable. I wonder how that started", said Brikkant while bearing gold capped teeth.

When asked how his company keeps the production lines separated, Brikkant replied, "Motor oil goes in plastic bottles. Salad oil goes in glass bottles. We hardly ever get them mixed up".

In a related story, consumers on the east coast have started a class action suit against AMOSDC, for damages caused to homes and property by highly flammable vinaigrette. One consumer stated, "I put a little extra marinade on my grilled fish last weekend and the grill exploded". Brikkant was only heard to reply, "Oops".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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