International Monetary Fund Managing Director, Dominique Strauss-Kahn has presented the world with a massive "Do Over" suggestion.
"It's fairly obvious that the current global economic situation sucks right now. We propose a plan that will eliminate debt for struggling economies and give each country an equal amount of money to start over. It's the equivalent of a sore loser flipping over a Monopoly board when he's faced with landing on a hotel-occupied Boardwalk with $5 and Baltic Avenue as his only assets," Strauss-Kahn told reporters.
"We want people to start having fun again, stop rioting and realize that if we fuck things up again, we'll push the restart button again and live to fight another day," he continued.
For struggling economies like Iceland and Greece, this proposal is a fantastic solution to their problems. However, emerging countries such as China will have to play ball with this proposal and accept our majority vote.
Besides, what fun would it be if China has all of the money? They'll simply save their hard earned cash, live below their means and continue to lecture us about our obesity problem. BORING!
Let Europe and America have a fresh start and I guarantee the world will be a happier place to live. We wrote the book on frivolous spending, inventing cool stuff you don't need and perfecting the pornography industry. By forgiving our debts these countries can get back to work on the important stuff like 3-D Porn, a new Snuggie and promoting digital book readers.
Barack Obama told the Associated Press that, "a clean slate is just what we need right now. It's very clear that our debt levels have reached ridiculous status and there is no way we are going to pay it back. This is our best option right now."
In an effort to pass this proposal along globally, the IMF will be issuing a new currency which will be universal. Any other currency will be useless so the entire world adopts this new plan.
Although an official name for the currency has not been reported, rumors have circulated that "Funny Money" "Earth Bucks" and "Coca-Cola" are at the top of the list.