Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 12 April 2010

image for Cadbury's Chocolate Cafes To Marmalise Opposition In High Street Wars
The Chicas Love Chocolate More Than Sex

When the American food giant Kraft took over Cadbury's, many traditionalists regarded the move as the end of an era, bemoaning the loss of a national institution on the cold hard altar of globalisation.

But now those very same people are rejoicing in the streets as Kraft announced that they will be opening a chain of hot chocolate shops throughout the UK. The Cadbury shops will be established in firm competition with existing coffee and tea shop chains and as a tasty alternative to the plethora of fast food palaces.

Kraft are attacking the project with typical American chutzpah, taking a winning product and hurling it into the market with the impact of an atomic bomb, and most analysts believe that it will be a total win/win scenario for Kraft.

The Cadbury brand of hot chocolate drink has been on the market for years, and still enjoys huge popularity, with matching sales figures. But it took a giant leap of American marketing nous to set up Drinking Chocolate Shops on the High Streets of Britain, soon to be followed, no doubt, by the world.

Kraft regard it as a 'no-brainer,' working out that given the choice of a burger, a cup of overpriced coffee, or a mug of hot milky drinking chocolate, most people would instantly opt for the latter. Most people love chocolate, they argue, especially women and kids, so projected turnover for the venture promises to be stratospheric.

Our own High Street correspondent, Vince Starbook told us:

"This should have been in place years ago! What were Cadbury's thinking by not doing this? It's going to be the biggest thing to hit high streets since the Romans built the roads. And, if there'd been chocolate shops when I was a younger man, then I definitely wouldn't be an alcoholic right now. Just a choc-oholic."

City analysts predict a run on Kraft shares and confidently expect the Cadbury Chocolate Cafes to crush the competition underfoot. Like bugs.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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