Written by Jalapenoman
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Food, Fat, Diet, Twinkie

Saturday, 10 April 2010

image for Twinkies "Might Be Fattening"
The cream filling of your twinkie is a great source of calcium, sugar, and cholesterol!

It has finally been publicly announced that the signature cream filled sponge cake product Twinkies, "might be fattening," (along with Ding Dongs, Snoballs, and fruit pies.)

The revelation came as a shock to dieticians and health care professionals and has caused Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and Richard Simmons to remove the Twinkie from their diet plans.

Skip Whiffleball, chief spokesman for the baking and confection company, said that "we don't want to be like the cigarette companies who never admit that their products are unhealthful. We want the public to know that our product will not help you to lose weight and is not a great source of vitamins. We also must acknowledge that they are not an efficient cholesterol fighter and are not good at lowering your blood sugar or blood pressure."

"This, however, does not change the fact that Twinkies are a great source of flavor and that they are still the number one trade item of choice in kid's lunch boxes."

Whiffleball did at that two Twinkies are a great source of sugar and cholesterol, are a great way to feed a midnight hunger pang, and have less calories than a gallon of Chunky Monkey ice cream (with a dozen oreo cookies).

Experts in the food industry were shocked at the revelation, saying that they feel "we have been misled and defrauded for many years into thinking that their signature product was healthy when it really wasn't." This has prompted the ACLU to consider a lawsuit against the company for "nutritional violations."

Several grocery store chains have also reacted, moving the snack cake from their health foods section to their junk food aisles. A petition has begun to have the produce removed from school vending machines and snack bars (where it regularly outsells carrot stick with yogurt dip by a 397 to 1 ratio).

In a related story, a gum maker has admitted that "the four out of five dentists surveyed" only recommended sugarless gums in general, and didn't really like their product that much.

Make Jalapenoman's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 3?

2 17 9 3

Go to top