Shergar, Co Louse - (Altar Buoys): The newly incorporated Irish Bad Ass Bank is to buy the first tranche of $500 million papal bad debts.
These are in the form of sub-primate loans taken out to pay off abuse vitims and/or continue doling out hush-money to cover-up agencies.
The loans have been acquired for the token sum of $100 following intense haggling by papal special baksheesh envoy Tony Blair.
The ex-UK Prime Monster is on a percentage rake off that will see him 'flip' the Irish Bad Ass Bank holdings to a so-far unnamed Kazakhstani outfit.
The secondary debt purchase will be rolled out in the form of Church Abuse Bonds which will then be invested in the fledgeling Falklands Isles Wannabe Petroleum crude drilling venture.
An additional Blair scam will see the bonds reinsured with Floyds of London.
A spokesperson for the Blair Blind Faith Foundation said today the practise is common on Wall Street and would generate a handsome income for years to come while Rome used every trick in the book to wriggle out of its damages committments.
Cherie Blair is 69.