Written by C. Cranium
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Topics: Economy, Turnstiles

Thursday, 11 March 2010

image for Turnstiles Generate Revenue
Queueing up for work

Corporations worldwide are embracing an old technology - the turnstile. Generate extra revenue, penalize late employees, control crowds, prevent pranks, and stop factory terrorism.

As an example American Cheeze Whizer Corp. of Chicago, IL (ACW) has installed EG Corp. turnstiles at the employee's entrance in the Cheese Please Products factory in Cicero, IL and is expanding to other locations soon.

ACW has been able to generate an additional $10K per day charging $1 entrance to work for each employee for all 3 24/7 shifts - senior management is exempt.

Employees late for work are charged an additional 50 cents.

The Turnstiles of today are nothing like those used by the New York Subway systems - no token, they are fully computerized.

AMW chose physical devices that can block any individual from entering - former employees, unknown persons, the press, animals, etc.

When the unapproved tries to walk through an arched doorway a force field bounces them back.

The next authenticated person can walk through unencumbered.

The turnstiles WIFI reader can read the strip on the employee's id badge whether it is in their pocket on a lanyard.

ACW CEO Claude Whizer has offered his opinion of the new turnstile technology: " EG turnstiles have given us a unique means to 'tax' the low paid factory worker, prevent workers from going Postal, and avoid unionization".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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