In the first of many cost saving measures, Cadbury has announced the replacement of all chocolate with Kraft's cheesy food product. The company claims that most consumers will not even notice the difference.
Dairy Milk bars will be the first treat to undergo the change. Company spokeswoman, Agnes Whimple stated, "With the exception of the color, texture and taste, the new and improved products will be exactly the same."
Studies have demonstrated that the delicious fluorescent yellow color of Noodles and Cheese will prove to be much more satisfactory than the nasty fecal pallet of the original product. Additionally, all that melting in the mouth will be finally eliminated; the better Dairy Milk bar will thicken with age, crusting over for the ultimate chewy treat. Lastly, as European consumers have demonstrated that flashy packaging is far more important than taste, the new recipe will be able to please without all of that fancy mixing.
Curly Wurly bars will also be facing a much needed fix. Rather than the painfully outdated mix of chocolate and caramel, the new Curly Wurly sensation will feature an oregano flavored candy core dipped in the tangy cheese.
Kraft is confident that United Kingdom consumers will embrace the changes. Agnes Whimple explains the benchmarks that have been set to determine the success of the transition, "When we see the European community become slothy and obese like the Americans, we will know that it was indeed the chocolate that was hurting the success of Cadbury."