Written by Xinix Xaxx
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Tuesday, 26 January 2010

image for Telemarketers Upset Over Pet Names in Phone Book
Angry Telemarketers and Pet lovers collide.

An angry group of 30 telemarketers, selected to represent telemarketers from over 70 companies, met today with executives from the phone company over the recent trend of people using their pet's names instead of their own in the phone book. The telemarketers say it's unfair to them and to their livelihood.

"You call a number listed and ask to speak to So-and-So Jones and they say he can't come to the phone because he's licking his {private parts}. That's just rude!!" One Gladys Johnson complained.

"I made a call once, asked for Sandra Smith, and they put a GOAT on the phone!! A goat! What kind of goat buys insurance?" an enraged Vernon Dudley demanded.

The people who put their pet's names in the book do it for fun, they say. One man, who refused to give his full name, told this reporter than he'd put his cat's name in the directory because he claimed "Edward Twopaws Rodgers" on his taxes, and might as well let Edward have the phone bill as well. "Eddie uses the phone as much as I do," he said, stroking a cat that looked ready to claw his eyes out, "He likes to hear the beeping noises when he steps on the buttons."

The telemarketers are getting ready to take the case before a judge. They say if an animal can be listed in the book, it should be allowed to buy from telemarketers who ask for it by name. They refused to say how they would know if the animal was accepting their offers or telling them to do something rude and physically impossible.

Despite repeated attempts to navigate through the phone company's automatic answering systems, this reporter could not actually speak to a human, and has not received any return calls with regard to this issue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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