Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 26 January 2010

image for Free Online Dating Service Expands to Europe
Emma Ardmore, haapy to be matched with anyone.

"Two as One", the free online and wildly successful matchmaker dating service will be expanding operations to Western Europe this summer.

Started as a rogue idea, akin to the business model found with the use of free or "shareware" internet software, Two as One members don't pay any up front fee to use the service but can contribute "donations" if they find the service useful.

"We have several hundred thousand members in the US", says Two as One president, F. King Ugglie. "And our matching criterion is a bit less stringent than some of our competitors, so we eventually find matches for all our members."

Critics of the service say that there Two as One is nothing more that a glorified chat room. Match Dot Com marketing analyst Timothy Pensive says, "No pictures are even posted. Relationships are completely based on fantasy. When they meet, I'm sure both are disappointed."

"Not really", says Ugglie. "Let's face it. Ugly people need love too, and a little fantasy? Who cares. When they hook up, they are most happy to have found a willing participant. Paper bags are free with our service as well."

Nobody is complaining. The website's questionnaire asks three simple questions.

1) Gender?
2) Gender preference?
3) Do you have a pulse?

The wildly popular service will hit the U.K. this May, followed by expansion into Spain, Portugal, Germany, Belgium and Italy. France was not interested, having categorized themselves as "beautiful".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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