Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Fast Food, Beer

Saturday, 23 January 2010

image for Miami's Hamburger House To Sell Beer - L.A.'s Pizza Haven Counters By Selling Pot
A picture of one of Burger House's famous Jalapeno/Onion Smothered Angusburgers.

MIAMI - Well it looks like the Burger vs. Pizza Wars are once again fixing to get heated up.

Burger House, a hamburger franchise which is based in Waterloo, Iowa, has just announced that they have worked out a deal with The Rocky Mountain Brewski Group to serve beer in their tourist-heavy Miami Burger House.

A high-ranking executive for Burger House was asked why they decided to start selling beer along side their burgers, cheeseburgers, and Angusburgers.

Colin Bainbibb replied that his company had spent $2.3 million on extensive nation-wide research surveys and they showed that over half of all burger customers are actually beer drinkers.

So the CEO met with his board of directors and they decided by a margin of 7 to 1 to begin selling beer. The lone dissenting vote was cast by Vonda Backwick, who has since been terminated as one of the board members and will now work as a beer truck driver delivering beer to the Miami restaurant.

On the other side of the coin Pizza Haven which is based in Cheyenne, Wyoming has stated that their Los Angeles outlet will begin selling Pot, or as it is more commonly known as marijuana.

Pizza Haven Director of New Product Placement Abbott Kilchamund stated that they conducted extensive surveys in the Los Angeles-La Habra and La Brea-West Covina areas and they found that the response to their new product was overwhelming to say the least.

In fact, the president of Pizza Haven Marjorie Mendelfaust has already given the go ahead for the Los Angeles restaurant to build three new drive-thru windows to better service the Pizza Haven customers.

Ms. Mendelfaust said that she knows, due to surveys, that there are male customers who go through drive thru windows dressed in nothing more than boxer shorts and flip flops and female customers who go through drive thru windows barefooted and wearing only bras and bikini thong panties.

She added that Pizza Haven's goal is to make everyone happy and she has pointed out that during the first week Pizza Haven will be offering a spectacular 'Let's Get Acquainted' Pizza Deal.

The LGA Deal will include a large size run-it-through-the-garden pizza, a three liter bottle of Coke Zero, and two ounces of marijuana for the unbelievable low price of $27.97.

Ms. Mendelfaust has also stated that she wants the Pizza Haven customers to be assured that the normal drive thru surveillance cameras will be turned off and none of the PH customers will ever appear in a video, film, or exhibit A piece.

SIDENOTE: Both Burger House and Pizza Haven have issued media statements saying that if this new product entry proves to be successful, both franchises are prepared to move forward and do the same exact thing with hundreds of their other franchise establishments.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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