Written by Morse
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Saturday, 23 January 2010

image for Animal Rights Activists React to New Business Employing Mongeese to Eradicate Snakes & Moles!
'Snake Be Gone' doesn't Require a 'Blow Job' to Work; Cuts Out the Middle Man!

ongoose Mania has hit this arrogantly shabby, but serpent and mole challenged South Carolina resort community with a new pest removal service.

Snake B Gone, a cutting edge new company with a bite, was recently named most innovative new customer service in the thriving pest control industry featured in Entrepreneur Magazine. In addition, the company was named in Forbes and the Wall Street Journal as the most exciting IPO for 2010.

Success has been assured despite protests from animal rights groups decrying the practice saying " Poisonous Snakes Need Love Too!" Activists also defended John Edwards, Bill Clinton, and Al Gore under the same principle.

The idea for the company originated early in 2006 after the founder's dog, Bear, was bitten by a copperhead snake at his retirement home on the coast of SC.

"I found I had enough of dealing with snakes in investment, legal and medical practices, and I certainly didn't want to deal with them at my home" the silver haired retiree said.

The company started modestly with a pair of Mongeese (ed. note Plural of Mongoose...but not a flock) purchased on EBAY through a snake charmer from India and shipped FedX.

"Within 9 weeks my pair of Predators had increased into a family of 12 snake stalking ,mole eradicating terminators" the owner said. "My lawn was restored to pristine condition, and I didn't have to worry about picking up errant golf balls in the snake infested pine straw!"

A Certified and Bonded Mongoose can be rented by the day, week or month and is guaranteed to rid a house lot of venomous vipers in no more than 3 working days. For especially difficult lots long term leases are available, and a new plan called "Rent to Own" is being worked on to assist homeowners on fixed incomes.

The client has no obligation to feed or care for the crafty terminators, as they eat what they catch and get along well with house pets. Rates vary for the service, but most clients will pay any reasonable price to rid their real estate investment of the pests.

The company is branching out with T-shirts and a popular bumper sticker showing a mole and a snake with the catch phrase "DON'T BITE ME BRO" recently featured on the Discovery Channel Series of Dangerous Predators.

A spokesman for the company said they are looking for an investment bank to handle the IPO, with shares opening on the market at $4.98, and expected to reach $39.00 when services expand after additional Mongoose Training guaranteed to keep Census Takers and Community Activists from Trespassing!

Interviewed for Forbes, the company founder, who wishes to remain nameless for tax purposes, responded to animal rights activists complaints, "I only have two words for them, "BITE ME!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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