For centuries they have gone by the name of 'politician's' but this, it turns out, has just been a horrible, horrible mistake for they are in fact just a pack of 'Pricks'.
Those rosette-wearing twats that come around to your door with the intention of kissing your baby every few years have basked in the media spotlight and burned holes in the seats of governance with their fat, hairy arses, and all the time doing it with a false name.
An esteemed semanticist, Dr. Shakin' Stevens - that meaning a studier of words guy - delved into his dictionary last night after a nice cup of hot chocolate and a milk chocolate biscuit.
What he discovered was the following:
- a person who is active in party politics.
- a seeker or holder of public office, who is more concerned about winning favor or retaining power than about maintaining principles.
- a person who holds a political office.
- a person skilled in political government or administration; statesman or stateswoman.
- an expert in politics or political government.
- a person who seeks to gain power or advancement within an organization in ways that are generally disapproved.
He then cross-referenced this with a 'Prick'.
b. an obnoxious or contemptible person.
- kick against the pricks, to resist incontestable facts or authority; protest uselessly: In appealing the case again, you will just be kicking against the pricks.
He concluded that they are one and the same.
From now on they are to be stripped of their vaguely respectable title and to be instead called what they most certainly are: Pricks.
Tomorrow night he says he'll look up 'Traffic Wardens' and compare it to 'Cunts'.