Written by Steddyeddy
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Friday, 8 January 2010

image for Jonathan Ross to join mobile phone company
He #$&?#$ your gwandaughter

BBC television presenter and soon to be ex-BBC television presenter Jonathan Ross, noted for not knowing his R's from his elbow, is leaving the BBC to join mobile telephone operator Vodorange3Oh!2 mobile as an agony uncle, advising grandfathers how their granddaughters should organise their activities of the bedroom kind. Not necessarily changing the bed, hoovering or dusting.

In a telephone interview with a journalist from the Grauniad Newspaper, who he asked whether they had a granddaughter who liked to be handled roughly and taken from behind, until he found out the journalist's name was Angus and a former weightlifter, he revealed that it was just the huge salary that made him quit and nothing else.

He explained, in between asking whether Angus had an 18-year old daughter with an ansaphone, that the fact the BBC had been paying him cash meant that he was forced to bring in a wheelbarrow each week to collect his earnings. The final straw was when he approached a new, bigger wheelbarrow in a garden centre and it point blank refused his advances for casual sex.

He said "In these times of wecession, it seems stwange that, as I wemarked to Woger the weceptionist, that a wheelbawwow, often wanked as number one, should wefuse me."

Alan Carr is a pain in the teeth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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