"La Shite", the upscale local restaurant specialising in shite food has gone into liquidation after blowing a wad of cash by buying in a bunch of TV chefs purely for a publicity stunt.
Ugly, craggy-faced gonad-featured Gordon Ramsey, Marco-Pierre White were just some of the pricks management splashed out on on opening night to impress some horse-faced, chinless twats and that fat bastard food critic Michael Winner.
When they couldn't decide on a set menu, the celeb chefs did what they do best: threw a tantrum.
The 'Tantrum' (a rare Ethiopian penguin)was not seriously harmed but eventually they calmed down (under the advice of the aforementioned bastard Michael Winner) and agreed to make a broth.
Each chef added their own ingredient of shite which was prepared freshly from their hairy, distended arses.
First went Pierre-White - a man with a French name but the face of a slapped arse.
Next went Ramsey who planted a large oily lump dead centre of the pot. When it was nice and steaming, Gary Rhodes added a greeny mixture he'd picked up in India.
Nigella Lawson and Delia Smith combined their manure and decorated the edge of the stew with intricate patterns - a bit like pissing in snow, except using shit in a pot of shit.
Finally that midget gnome Anthony Worrell Thompson scraped out some dried shite from his gaping hole.
Jamie Oliver dressed it with fresh coriander he picked out of his knob.
Once the critics tasted it though they announced that although it was 'tasty' with a nice' peanutty flavour', they felt it was 'too busy'.
Sensing the impending failure of his business, the owner, Mr. Ulick McGee, immediately drowned himself in the brown, sticky broth.
La Shite will probably be sold at auction and most likely bought by ITV to use in some crappy cooking show that will be inflicted on viewers in the Spring.