Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 28 November 2009

image for Wayne Rooney Baby Growing 'At Alarming Rate'
Kai Rooney playing in the garden today

Medical staff at a Manchester hospital have described as 'weird' the alarming rate at which the baby of Manchester United and England centre forward Wayne Rooney has been growing since his birth on the 2nd of November.

The child, Kai Wayne (laughs) was born weighing an enormous 7.6 kilogrammes, and has since piled on even more weight, ballooning to a massive 42 kilos after just four weeks. He has well-developed calves and biceps, and has already started to grow a beard.

Standing an impressive 4 feet 6 inches tall, Rooney Jnr has the appearance of his illustrious father, poor thing, and has already learned to say "Erm".

Doctors at the Manchester Royal College of Gargoyles said today that if Kai continues to grow at his current rate, he will be bigger than his Dad in three weeks, and will have to pay full fare on the bus by the age of 6 months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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