With the recession still ringing in the ears of many UK companies, some are taking drastic action to reduce costs. Worse than making people redundant; office Christmas parties are being cancelled.
This has left many office workers with a problem; how can they now have guilt free drunken unprotected sex with their ugly co workers?
Office fugly Melanie 'Squinty' Willis from London was devastated when her firm cancelled the Christmas party, "I'm devastated" she said, "how else am I supposed get a shag and then being humiliated for weeks afterwards?"
Business analyst John MacFaddon explains, "Their only answer is to get pissed on company time and have dirty drunken sex in the nearest stationary cupboard."
The spokesman for the Government Initiative for the Prevention of Fucking Fuglys at Work commented on BBC news this morning, "We must have office Christmas parties to allow these people to get pissed up and fuck their ugly co workers. Cancellation is a false economy; ultimately costing the UK a fucking fortune!"
He explained further, "It's not like having a quick wank at your desk or in the kitchen when making the tea, it's actually the loss of two or more employees and a functioning stationary cupboard for fifteen minutes a pop!
"Add the number of employees queuing up to use stationary cupboards up and down the country and then factor in the amount of alcohol they've all consumed... that's a lot of pissed sex! You can write them off for the rest of the day! The UK could easily grind to a halt."
"Companies must spend in order to save. Have the Christmas party, let your staff get the Fugly bug out of their systems and be productive for the New Year."