Scientists had no sooner discovered a special type of spider that spins HUGE webs than these spiders decided to open a global business, "Snare The Bad Guys."
What this unique spider service does is to grab up offending people and/or products, snare them in the all-powerful webs, and dump them -- well -- wherever the buyer of the service dictates: land, sea, or outer space. The rumor is that numerous well-known people have signed up for the service.
Bill O'Reilly, host of 'The Factor' on Fox News, has hired the spider company to dispose of a number of "far-left loons." Dumping site: The Pacific Ocean, close to California, where (according to the spiders) so many of these loons hang out.
Spider-Man (since he's related to the owners, he gets a 20% discount) has hired the service to get rid of, for a start, Venom, Doctor Octopus, and the Lizard. Plans are to sneak them aboard the NASA shuttle next to be launched and then "take care of" them by sending them on an eternal space walk when they arrive at the International Space Station. Spider-Man doesn't want to annihilate every single one of his villains in one fell swoop, since movie contracts may dry up if he doesn't have a bad guy to pursue.
Barnes & Noble, busy hawking the electronic reader, the Nook, has signed a contract for the special spiders to snare every Kindle (Amazon's electronic reader), mangle them up beyond repair, and dump them in junkyards where used cars are disposed of.
The spider company is constantly on the lookout for new clients. Using what else? The Web, of course. No, not the kind of web the spiders weave, but THE WORLDWIDE WEB, the Internet. Visit them at their website: www.SnareTheBadGuys.web. Mention TheSpoof.com when you sign up for service and you'll get a lovely, customized, hand-woven (more accurately, leg-woven) tote bag.