Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Technology, sex toys

Friday, 23 October 2009

image for The New iVibrator 7 Is Coming
The new iVibrator 7 comes in discreet colorfully dotted containers.

BEAVER, Pennsylvania - The Eager Beaver Adult Sexual Aid Company has just announced that they will soon be shipping their first shipment of the new, affordable, state-of-the-art iVibrator 7.

Caitlan Rufflebock, president and CEO of Eager Beaver stated that the much-anticipated iVibrator 7 has already had advance sales of 2.7 million units.

Rufflebock said that the iVibby 7, as it was affectionately named by the supervisors of the research study teams, is the most advanced personal vibrator ever invented.

She added that it even makes France's amazing Le Wiener Si Vous Plait Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! seem obsolete by comparison.

One of the unique features of the iVibby 7 is that it does not use any batteries and it does not require an electrical outlet.

The iVibby 7 receives its power directly from female warmth. Eager Beaver research scientist Shannon F. Ripplesteen said that the way the iVibrator 7 works is that when the woman takes it out of its handy carrying case, which is made of the finest velour found in Norway, the warm touch of her hand (or hands) causes the happy making apparatus to begin to generate energy.

This energy in turn triggers a self-contained inner mechanism, which then starts to gently vibrate in a clockwise direction, or if the woman is left handed, a counter-clockwise direction.

Ms. Ripplesteena noted that the iVibrator 7 was tested by research study teams made up of 3,000 women between the ages of 21 to 71.

Callie Montelabia who was the director of the Actual Acts of Intimacy Department said that the 'research' women came from all walks of life.

She stated that most women, were hard-working professional females such as attorneys, bankers, models, receptionists, maids, Hooters waitresses, backup singers, and several call girls.

The women were paid $85 per each act of intimacy. Montelabia mentioned off the record (oops) that the call girls were actually paid $105 since they were considered to have a little more expertise in the particular area of pleasurable pleasuring.

The research study women were asked not to discuss any of the private sexual aspects among themselves. And those who are smokers were allowed a four minute smoke break after each 'session.'

Montelabia was thrilled to report that the research study went quite well. There was one sad note tough. One of the study group members Mavis Weisenthal of Intercourse, Pennsylvania, became so attached to her iVibby 7 that she has since filed for divorce from her husband of 17 years.

CNN is reporting that her husband Hank Weisenthal is thinking of filing a lawsuit against Eager Beaver on the grounds of alienation of affections.

Attorneys for Eager Beaver are saying that he does not have a case.

They further add that if Mr. Weisenthal chooses to pursue the legal proceedings his wife is prepared to bring forth vivid, explicit photos, drawings, and a clay figurine of why exactly it is that Mrs. Weisenthal has basically decided to leave her husband for her brand new iVibby 7.

Eager Beaver president and CEO Caitlan Rufflebock says that the iVibby 7 is by far the most advanced personal vibrator ever developed.

Rufflebock says that they have so much confidence in the iVibby 7 and its unmatched performance that if a woman is not totally satisfied (no pun intended) she can return it for a full refund plus Eager Beaver will give her an imported Portuguese dress ($270 value).

The iVibby 7 has been shown to even out perform and outlast the extremely popular Danish-made vibrator Le Gigolo #9 and Mexico's El Chingonotote Numero Uno.

The iVibby 7 which retails for $69.99, comes in nine vibrant glow-in-the-dark designer colors including carbon black, jet black, ink black, soot black, eggshell white, biscuit brown, wild cherry red, snapdragon yellow, and for those women with special leanings, rainbow woe-is-me.

The Eager Beaver Company does point out that women over the age of 90, who choose to use the iVibby 7 should have some sort of adult supervision in order to prevent a serious injury to their hoo-ha.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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