Branson, Missouri - The recession ended today, with the signing up of unemployed chicken gutter Vern Limburgh to Google's corporate family. He was the 147 millionth person to do so, and was America's last unemployed citizen.
"I couldn't say no to such a great opportunity to start making up to $5,000 a week instantly!", said Vern from his new mansion. "All I do is spend twenty minutes a day posting links, and watch the money roll in!"
Indeed, Vern is but one of tens of millions of Americans who have gained lucrative employment in posting links for Google. Like Vern, these Americans did not want to be unemployed, but neither were they interested in the scams, pyramid schemes, and network marketing that abound on the net.
No, these dedicated men and women - just like you - were not interested in signing on with some fly by night company, or getting involved in some get rich quick crap.
That's why they clicked on the easy link, and learned how to take control of their - and America's - future. They didn't shy away from the dollar or so shipping and handling fee to learn more about this fabulous opportunity, either.
"Oh, sure, I had my doubts when I saw they were asking for money.", said Vern while laying on a couch in his bathrobe while a high priced call girl fed him grapes. "My first thought was to wonder why they couldn't just email me that info, rather than charge me to send it by mail. But then it hit me - they didn't yet have enough workers to post links, so how could they have enough workers to send me the details by email? So I sent the money."
And with that, Vern was given what history is recording as the greatest employment opportunity ever. Opportunity so great, that word of mouth alone would see to it that everyone would know of it, even if these ads were not on every site and email inbox in the world.
Next week, President Obama is expected to award the CEO of Google with the Medal of Freedom, the highest honor a civilian can receive. To obtain that medal, the CEO need only send in $1.87 shipping and handling fee to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, D.C.
He should allow two to four weeks for delivery.