Written by b kenneth mcgee
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 8 October 2009

A Louisberg resident sold his life insurance policy to the Rob-u-quick Bank last month after seeing the ads on TV targeted to seniors. Mr. T. J. Mc Corkle of Louisburg, NC and his wife of forty-seven years were having a hard time living on their small social security checks, and although the price Rob-u-quick paid for the policy was a deep discount from the face value, they cashed in the policy in hopes of stretching their income for as many years as possible, including even a low budget trip to Florida to see friends, possibly for the last time.

Two days after Mr McCorkle received his check from Rob-u-quick he got a small package delivered by UPS that had a thirty-eight calibre pistol in it. There was also a printed note signed by a Vice-President of Rob-u-quick that said......"We know...you will do the right thing. God Bless"

According to Mrs. McCorkle (Emmy Lou) T.J. went into a deep depression after receiving the pistol...thinking that his life was so worthless. Two days later he shot himself to death with the gun. It had one bullet in it when it was delivered.

When Rob-u-quick was contacted by the media, an official of the bank speaking on condition of anonymity said the following: "Of course we sent him the gun! We have stock holders...we have employees that need to be paid..we have bonus's to give to our executives. Do you think this is some kind of (expletive) charity we run here? We don't make a dime while these deadbeats sit around the house and watch TV or go to the Zip Mart and buy beer and cigarettes with their damn food stamps. We think we are making their last days a little better...and as far as the thirty-eight is concerned...it is just our way of giving them end of life counseling.

Mr McCorkle's funeral was held at a local funeral home where his few friends and family came to mourn. Indeed, the largest floral arrangement was from the Rob-u-quick. The card read...."In Memory of a Great American"

Mrs. McCorkle received an invoice for $137.50 in the mail two days later for the floral arrangement. It had a self addressed postage paid envelope enclosed.

Make b kenneth mcgee's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 3?

5 2 15 23

Go to top