Written by Geneva Slim
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Topics: Breasts, Cars, Saturn

Thursday, 1 October 2009

In a bold swansong move, the Saturn Corporation - who yesterday confirmed plans to shut down its auto production - today announced it will produce one last model, a hybrid called the Saturn Bressa.

The Bressa will be the world's first breast-powered hybrid automobile.

The head of Saturn's Bressa design team, Chesti Topp, explains the science: "The Bressa runs on a combination of electrical and breast power. The car is plugged into a wall outlet in the driver's garage overnight, then when it is taken out to drive, special suction cups are attached from the battery to the driver's nipples, who then has only to jiggle and bounce her breasts in a seductive manner to keep the battery recharged."

Topp says there remains two sticking points, both legal in nature. First, by necessity, the Bressa can be sold only to women, and then only women of a certain breast size and heft. Secondly, there is the matter of local nudity laws, as the driver must motor the car topless.

The ad campaign for The Saturn Bressa begins on Sunday, October 11th, and is eagerly anticipated by hybrid enthusiasts across the U.S., as well as anyone who just enjoys a nice, juicy pair of undulating hooters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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