Written by FBI AL
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Topics: Names, Candy

Monday, 28 September 2009

image for Starburst & Snickers are rubbish names proven by scientists
American Marketing Executive thinking of new product name

Scientists today announced that Starburst and Snickers were worse than the original British names for these products. Both had different names on British shores and there was a massive out cry when they were changed. Now it seems we should change back. Starburst to Opal Fruits and Snickers to Marathon

For the last 20 years or so scientists have been meticulously gathering evidence that the above referenced name changes should never have happened. By taking 100 normal subjects and repeatedly dosing them with large amounts of THC (from Cannabis plants)and asking subjects to say either Snickers, Marathon, Starburst or Opal Fruits 100 times in a row with out laughing. Within the first 3 attempts 98% of subjects saying Snickers or Starburst were creased up on the floor laughing where as with Opal Fruits and Marathon it was at least 10 repetitions before uncontrolled laughter was reported.

To make sure the tests were accurate they were repeated a number of times over the years with the same conclusions. One of the leading scientists said "we could have used LSD or Ecstasy or even Cocaine but we decided that since Mars Corporation mostly targeted the stoner market we may as well aim for that, we feel these findings are proof that they should not have changed here and also proof that American Marketing Executives really do come up with the worst product names and marketing schemes in the world!"

Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg said he would use it as his main policy to win at the General Election to get these names changed back, and also added it was a welcome relief to talk about this instead of real policies and issues which he knew nothing about.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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