Written by Jalapenoman
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Saturday, 19 September 2009

image for Jessica Simpson Loses Money When All Cows In Ranching Operation Die
"I thought I'd be harvesting steaks all summer, but it didn't turn out that way."

Actress, singer, and personality Jessica Simpson's venture into ranching took a turn for the worse when her entire herd died. Simpson went into ranching because of former boyfriend Tony Romo, a member of the NFL's Dallas Cowboys. "Since he was a Cowboy, I thought I'd be a cowgirl," said Jessica.

Simpson may be most famous as the ultimate ditzy blonde, having once protested that she thought the main ingredient in Chicken of the Sea tuna was chicken.

When asked why her cattle died, Jessica said that "I thought I did everything right. I had the fields cleared and plowed. I planted the cattle up to their necks. I watered them every day and made sure they had Miracle Grow Plant Food poured on them (twice a week, just like it said on the box)."

"I thought I'd be picking steaks and milkshakes all summer, but it just didn't turn out that way."

"Maybe I just got a defective batch, because my harvest has got nothing and now my field stinks. I may have to just plow this group under and start over."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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