A huge claim for compensation has been filed against a local council in Dorset over an accident due to a un-maintained wall.
Mr Dumpty is suing not only the council but a regiment of all the king's men for molestation and invasion of privacy.
Mr. Dumpty made this statement through his solicitor, Miss Muffit.
"It was a glorious sunny day and Mr. Dumpty didn't have much to do so just sat on a wall belonging to the council. Because of government local council rebate reduction, essential maintenance on the wall had not been carried out since 1928 and the wall collapsed. Allegations that he fell from the wall are totally unfounded. Mr. Dumpty had several cracks and bruises about him but wasn't much hurt when, to his astonishment, all these kings men turned up and started molesting him while saying, 'We'll put you together again, me old mate.'"
A spokesman for both the council and all the kings men, Jack Horner, said they regretted the incident but would defend the case on the basis that they believe Mr. Dumpty was pissed at the time.