Written by DaddyMothership
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Topics: Cars

Thursday, 3 September 2009

image for Jobs Boost With New Mini-Mini Models
Sleek, streamlined, sexy - and small!

Two new models of the iconic car The Mini are to start production at the BMW plant in Oxford next year. This goes against the grain of the current financial climate, but a spokesman said this is due to a long love affair with the car and a need for more fuel efficient vehicles. This development will see the employment of 1000 new workers to the factory.

At a sneak preview of a 3 foot high model of the coupe version of the car I was stunned at how modern it looked, whilst maintaining its 1960's revolutionary styling. I was shocked however when I commented I was excited about seeing the full sized version, only to be told that this was the full sized version.

"With rising fuel prices, scarce parking spaces and smaller families we thought a smaller car was ready for a particular niche in the market". A spokesman at the Oxford plant told us. "All good things come in small packages. Just look at DNA, you can't even see that but everybody recognises it's the greatest advancement in the last century. You can't argue with the facts".
Business Secretary Lord Mandelson said it was very good news for Oxford, who had 850 workers laid off from the plant earlier this year, and the UK car industry as a whole.
"Also let's not forget how good this will be for circus entertainers and any people with similar growth restrictions." He added. "Though we have been assured the doors and wheels will not fall off these models."

When I asked Mr Mandelson if he thought a 3 foot high car was a ridiculous idea, circus entertainers and pantomime dwarfs aside, he smiled and told us, "Of course not, this is sky blue thinking. If you take mythical giants for example, they can use them as motorised roller skates. But they will need one for each foot thus doubling the car sales," I told him I could see his logic when he added. "Unless they are one legged giants." He muttered this bit between snake like pursed lips.

The new models will be unveiled at the Frankfurt Motor Show. Be sure to take some loose change for the slots and let your children have a ride on them. Oh and watch out for King Kong roller skating on a pair of coupes down the roads by where you live.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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