Written by Hydrogen Balloon
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Topics: Newspaper, Superman

Friday, 28 August 2009

image for Daily Planet Bankrupt, Will Print Last Copy Tomorrow
The Final Issue Of The Daily Planet Will Have Lois Lane's Obituary

Metropolis KS-- The Daily Planet will cease to exist after tomorrow. The legendary newspaper of Metropolis is the latest victim of declining circulation that has traumatized the newspaper industry in the last year. A last minute rescue attempt by financier Bruce Wayne to save the paper fell through early this morning.

Ad revenue for the Daily Planet fell over 50% in just the last six-months. Heavy competition from the Internet and cable TV took a heavy toll. The paper also took a sharp turn to the Left after Obama was elected and many readers felt alienated.

Many long-time readers were offended by the Daily Planet's coverage of a gay wedding last month. Star reporters Jimmie Olsen and Clark Bent married July 4th in a civil ceremony. Most readers weren't too upset with the gay couple until they gave a very descriptive 'blow-by-blow' account of their honeymoon on the front page.

Many readers were also irritated by reporter Lois Lane. The ace reporter took a very sharp turn to the Left last year. The ugly spinster rivals the New York Times' Maureen Dowd in her vileness and hatred of everything normal. Miss Lane put a gun to her head and blew her brains out after hearing the paper would fold. There was nothing to clean up, anyway!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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