Written by Jeff Brone
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Sunday, 12 July 2009

In an effort to bolster sagging consumer confidence, the economic stimulus package will include a "monopoly man" costume for one out of every three families in the United States.

A spokesman for the president said while enjoying a meal at a Taco Bell restaurant that "We need to infuse confidence in the American consumer, and we feel that dressing like the rich guy, from the monopoly game, who owns lots of property will do just that." He added that they went through "a lot of ideas on this one" and really put a "great deal of thought" into who the American people should most pretend that they are. "We first thought of Warren Buffet, but a costume of him wouldn't be too distinctive, we thought. Then we considered Conrad Bain's character from "Different Strokes" since he was very successful. Finally we went with the old standby, the Monopoly Man."

Critics of the plan, including many Republicans, were somewhat harsh, pointing out that the Monopoly Man was older and might not appeal to the young people in our nation. One senator pointed out that the Democratic party traditionally captured the young voters, but this decision was a big departure and "might not work, primarily because of that reason."

The President said he was proud of the decision, adding that the task at hand was great, but he urged us to believe that the challenge of feeling like the Monopoly Man was within every American's grasp.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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