Written by Ron Smith
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Monday, 29 June 2009

image for Bee Dispute Settled
Pollen Transportation Worker At The MIEL Depot

Both parties in the bee strike have come to a settlement that signals an end to the bitter dispute that has been ongoing since the winter. Prices of honey, raw nectar and pollen have increased dramatically since the bees downed tools after an influx of foreign invaders such as the small hive beetle, the parasitic brood mite, and the Asian hornet. Workers and drones alike have agreed to return to work on the conditions that management will re-instate all workers who went on strike in support of sacked colleagues and a guarantee that British bees will be employed over any immigrant bees.

The hive is owned by French company MIEL and based in England, but is actually owned by the Queen. The company announced profits for last quarter of over £92,678,993,305,177,897,000,000 but many think that MIEL are downsizing due to problems with their new clean energy technology site that claims to be green, but is inefficient and non cost-effective. Some workers suspect that the dispute is a smokescreen, with further job losses imminent.

"We are normally very busy at this time of year", said 08452745361 a representative from the Drones and General Workers Union. "We're known for being busy, but the dispute has disrupted productivity, put jobs at risk and we are all concerned for the family. If things hadn't bee sorted out, the whole hive could've bee shut down and neither management, workers or drones wanted that."

Some bees have already decided the end is near and have taken early redundancy, choosing to learn new trades and skills. "I've started a part-time course in IT and have just got a job in a call centre" said 087040986751. "Unfortunately when I answer the phone, the caller seems confused and often shouts about a buzzing noise on the line, something about bloody Indians and then slams the phone down"

The strikes have caused prices of crude pollen to soar and refined honey at top market value, the highest it's been since the accidental introduction of the Africanized bee or "Killer Bee" in the late 1950's threatened world nectar production. A jar of Organic Manuka Honey can cost as much as £40, compared to £20 a year ago.

It's hoped that the settlement will restore a degree of confidence down the market and an end to scare-mongering about the demise of the bee and the end of all civilization forever.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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