Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: America, Sales

Saturday, 3 July 2004

image for Saturn Cassini Unveiled
Now available: Everywhere!

Saturn Corporation announced today that the new 2005 Saturn Cassini would go on sale everywhere in the solar system. The American carmaker, having previously limited its car sales to North America, decided to widen the company's sales territory. Harvey Thomas, Plant Manager at Spring Hill, Tennessee where the new Cassinis are being manufactured, said, "This new Saturn Cassini will be able to the furthest reaches of our solar system---even to the Cassini Rings around Saturn. We are very excited about our new car's engine: a 64 valve per cylinder V24 power plant that develops 46,000 pounds of thrust and runs on recycled wash water. The cars will be covered by Saturn's standard 36-google mile warranty. EPA fuel estimates are 36 miles per load of dirty laundry."

An early sales incentive promotion provides a pair of cheap binoculars with each new Saturn Cassini sold before this weekend. Industry insiders estimate the huge interplanetary demand for the Saturn Cassini will make for very tight supplies, and recommend that interested buyers put down deposits early.

Special deals will be made for all customers who fill out the questionnaire at the upper right hand corner of this web page!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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