Susan Boyle, 47 the greatest singing sensation of the Milky Way - since Trog the Martian Baritone graced our screens; is delighted that a demo tape she sent to Simon Dowell ten years ago alongside a large 'poster-sized' photo of her face, is now worth ten million pounds. Simon Dowell is to auction the tape which he has kept for a decade to prop up the leg of a wonky table.
The high-waisted one was asked by reporters why he had not publicised Susan earlier replied pompously " Have you seen her? Are you mad? Ten years ago we were all Spice Girls and Shania Twain crazeeeeee. You must be having a laugh. The public were hard pushed to accept Sporty Spice with her sour-puss, even though she had the best voice. People even said the the Ginger one was ancient. They would have effin crucified me if I tried to build an act around a coarsed-haired Eddie Large looking broiler. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE"
The demo tape is now the most desired item in the world, since 'Willy Wonka' put golden tickets in his chocolate bars. The 'Killing Me Softly' demo is being stored in the 'Tower of London' under the watchful eye of the Queen's private army and Prince Phillip - who has a gun and a few sharp words for would-be-thieves.
In his usual loony style Michael Jackson has offered $10 million for the demo tape - although he only has $10 in his bank-account.
The Queens 'tatty' Crown Jewels have been thrown onto the 'Streets of London' to make room for Susan Boyle's CD's and demo tapes. From now on the Queen will be forced to wear the rare CD 'SONGS FOR A MILLENIUM' on her head at all official engagements- Lizzy is said to be 'minted'.
A bootleg copy of Susan Boyle humming Ralph Mctell's 'Streets of London,' while opening up a tin of 'Whiskas' for 'Pebbles-Cat' is thought to be worth $20 billion.