Written by Valmerk
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Topics: McDonalds, drinks

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

image for McDonald's set to Crack Down on Free Drink Refills

Due to the bad economy, more people have been engaging in random "drink sniping". What exactly is "drink sniping?" It's street for people who are not legally entitled to a free complimentary refill at their local McDonald's. According to McDonald's executives, drink sniping mayhem has been costing the company dollars a day, and something needs to be done.

Kim, cashier at the local McDonald's, described the problem, saying, "It's like the wild west out here. We see people walking in off the streets. Some people are getting counterfeit, made in China 'McWonald's' cups from places like eBay and re-selling them to thirsty looking people hanging outside the restaurant. These people come over to soda fountain and fill up like it's no big deal. Sometimes the lids are too big, so they try to pretend they fit.

The McDonald's manager told us, "The informal rule that is most accepted in the free drink refill subculture is that if you paid for the drink within the previous hour, and have a valid receipt, then you are welcome to a full refill complete with all the free ice that the cup can hold. We'll even let you grab a fresh straw, if needed. If you're over the limit by 10 seconds and you have a few stray french fries left to eat from your super upgraded, deluxe extra large double sized economy value Big Mac, combo, then of course you can fill up on enough beverage to wash them down comfortably. Were not villians."

He warned, "If you don't have a feeding emergency and come back after that one hour window, then you are 'drink sniping', and we will take legal action against you by making a citizen's arrest." When this reporter questioned the legality of making a citizen's arrest in regard to such a trivial matter, he responded, "Well, uh, I dunno. If we aren't allowed to do that, then we'll just be openin' up a can of whoop ass on them in the middle of the restaurant."

This reporter had to abruptly end the interview as I was politely reminded by the McDonald's drink refill monitor that I only had 20 seconds left to get my "legal" refill. It was pretty messy, and my sincere apoligies to the little boy I had to kick out of the way to do it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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