Saying he is really, really sorry and that he has learned that he "can't take it with him," Bernie Madoff has restored all 65 billion in previously stolen money to his investors.
"I realized that people were quite upset with me," he said. "I am reading news reports of charities closing their doors, and women wailing, but what gets me is how many formerly rich people are now poor. I just can't have that on my conscience."
Madoff investors were stunned and jubilant. Not looking a gift horse in the mouth, they are busy cashing their checks and returning to their formerly opulent life styles. One investor reportedly phoned "Bernie" and asked him where on earth he was able to dig up 65 billion.
"Just spend it while you can and don't worry about it," said Bernie.