Washington DC -- The Federal Government is recalling all makes and models vehicles built between 1979 and 2009. Owners are ordered to bring their cars and trucks to their nearest post office within 72 hours. Any owner that refuses will receive the death penalty.
The order comes following the $30 billion bailout of by the federal government. Any product made within the last 30 years immediately became the property of the feds. The recalled cars and trucks will be fitted with a GPS device that will track the vehicle at all times. Those owners in noncompliance will be shot on sight. Resistance is futile.
"We are within our rights. Anyone who resists is a terrorist." said new Homeland Security Chief Nancy Patagonia. "It's government property now. So is your house. Get over it. Our Glorious Leader must know what His peasants are doing at all times. All hail the New World Order!!" she shouted with delight.
Local post offices have been besieged with telephone calls from frightened consumers, but the post office has no further information to give.
"Just do whatever we tell you. We are in control now. Forever. We seized everyone's bank account this morning too. There is no escape now. All hail Our Glorious Homeland and the Glorious New World Order!" said Secretary Patagonia