Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Saturday, 28 March 2009

image for Airline for Pets? What's their secret?
"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," Fluffy clawed out on her seat

Miami, Florida - It is a novel idea. Promising plenty of "Four-legged" room for the family pet, but it has everyone who has experienced first-hand the stress and all too often the trauma of losing an animal to the airline industry, asking: "What's the new airline's secret? How can they deliver my beloved pet live and well?" Well, they don't.

"We freeze all the pets on board to death shortly before takeoff," said Captain James Parmenter of Pet Airways of the first animal-based airline transport service. "That's the ones that we didn't already misplace, or shipped off to other exotic destinations you wish you were lucky enough to be sent by mistake if you were one of our 'pawsengers."

Airline industry insiders call it lowering the customers' expectations in the face of certain adversity for both pet owner and pet.

"If the customer knows outright that we are freezing their beloved family pets to death at the onset, instead filling them with false hope like other airlines do of seeing their animal alive and well ever again once placed in their care," said a spokesman for Pet Airways. "We give them the time to prepare emotionally for disappointment. Thereby circumventing the need for merit less litigation."

Pet Airways prides itself on being upfront with the customer and extending the courtesy not afforded by other human-based airlines in allowing pet owners to board the airplane to say their long and final goodbyes.

"It didn't really hit me that it was the last time I'd see Fluffy alive," said Doug Gyros to a Himalayan Siamese brown point cat that belonged to his girlfriend. "Not until I fastened her little seatbelt. And then it hit me: 'What's the point?' I said to myself."

After giving Fluffy a final pat goodbye on the head,Gyros watched from outside the airplane as the pressurized cabinet filled up with Freon gas, freezing Fluffy instantaneously. As she peered out her pawsenger window seat, motionlessly looking out at the tarmac from behind frosted plate glass, engines surged and the airplane moved slowly forward for takeoff.

"She never looked so peaceful," said Gyros before reaching into his coat pocket for his cell phone, dialing his girlfriend. "Honey, I got some bad news. Yeah, those bastards killed Fluffy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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