Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 25 March 2009

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Is Exxon-Mobil's cash-stash mattress hidden in the hull of one of its supertankers?

Washington AC/DC - (Big Oil Mess): President O'Bama has ordered Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner to dump Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson "into the nearest deep sea crude well" according to this week's BigOilShagger! magazine.

The move follows the supermajor boss continuing refusal to disclose under which mattress the company's $31.4 billion cash-stash is hidden.

But pathetic-assed Geithner has serious low self worth issues when it comes to dealing with BigOil's Darth Vader and is gagging at the very idea of O'Bama's innovative 'man overboard' scheme.

So serious, in fact, are those self esteem issues that DC is seething with rumors that he even lent Tillerson the super king-size mattress under which to secrete the fabulous hoard of filthy lucre.

Meanwhile Chevron's Dave O'Reilly is sitting pretty on his own $9.1 billion stash, oblivious to the Exxon shenanigans that have continued unabated since the Rockefellers lost their own May 2008 boardroom bid to dump Tillerson.

Chevron's Altair Voyager has the biggest triple-hulled safety deposit box in the universe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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