Written by Stu B
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Thursday, 24 June 2004

image for Ayava Inc. Names New Vice President.
Heavily disguised for Security purposes Dan Patterson welcomes his new VP

BASKING FRIDGE, -- Ayava Inc., a leading global provider of communications network services to Saudi businesses, today said it has named John Hussein vice president, Solutions of Mass Disruption - Worldwide.

Hussein was previously President of iRAC, a business that was recently the victim of a hostile takeover, an organization of 7,000,000 people. In that position, he refocused the product portfolio to offer regional instability, infidel relationship management and other value added services, doubling personal revenues over thirty years and making the business attractive for acquisition. He also has held a number of executive positions with his Republican Guard Corporation, as well as being Commander In Chief and managing director of Rentokill for Europe, Africa and Middle East, where he headed up the their research into Weapons of Mouse Destruction. While leading this business, he improved the group's cost structure and gassed a team of 3,000 people, who questioned his choice of flock wallpaper in the East Grinstead boardroom.

"Mr Hussein has a proven record of operational excellence and developing new services that deliver terror to customers," said Dan (The Dan) Patterson, Chairman, CEO and Terrifying Despot, Ayava. "He will be a great asset to our business as we deliver communications solutions via our new SCUD long range delivery system to help customers drive operational efficiencies and generate new revenue streams, such as rebuilding bombed bridges and hospitals."

"Some people believe that we have the capability to cause massive disruption to major cities throughout the world" Added Hussein "This is quite obviously an utter lie put about by infidel dogs. The only systems that we have that can wreak that kind of havoc are our converged solutions, which we have now disclosed in our recent 8k and in a seventeen thousand diatribe lodged in the United Nations Library"

Mr. Hussein, who stomped about the conference room with a pronounced limp which he apparently sustained during a recent golf war, then produced a Kalashnikov assault rifle and waved it worryingly in the direction of an onlooking VP for EMEA.

Hussein received a B.A. in political science and American studies in the post last Saturday and an M.S. in public administration from The American University and an M.S. in Menacing Mass Populations from the University of Baghdad. He received an MBA from Harvard whilst heavily disguised in 1997 and has a number of qualifications in gassing innocent villagers and ignoring UN resolutions.

Patterson has a poodle called Chantelle and received 43 hate mail letters last week alone.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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