Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: Economy, Republicans

Monday, 9 March 2009

The Party of "Personal Responsibility" has finally decided to accept personal responsibility for the global financial collapse which took place during the last year of George Bush's term in office.

A somber and reflective group of Republican leaders met over the weekend, to deal with their devastating defeat in the 2008 election, and to try to come to grips with why the American people booted them out of office.

Newt Gingrich, while addressing the contrite group of Republicans...referring to the obvious failure of Reaganomics....began by saying "We can no longer blame Obama for the mess we are all in. We have Met the Enemy, and It Is Us...."

Harvard Professor of Political Science, Barney Hampton, observed "many rank and file Republicans don't seem to know quite what has hit them. Just 6 years ago, the GOP controlled the White House, and both House of Congress. They could get any bill they wanted passed."

"Unfortunately, they ignored the results of the 2006 election, during which the voters gave Democrats a majority in both the House and the Senate. George Bush tried to remain in control, using his un-overidable veto." Professor Hampton continued.

"So, in 2008, the voters stripped the GOP of control of every committee and sub-commitee, giving the Demcrats control of both the House and the Senate, and the White House. Nobody cares what the Republicans think, anymore, because the Democrats have enough votes to win every single vote on every single issue for the next 2 years."

Professor Hampton continued, "Ironically, many Republicans continue to yack away, using the same insipid right-wing ideological tripe, that got them booted out of office, in the first palce."

"Poltical scientists have begun referring to this as 'The Palin Effect', " he noted. "Even when the polls showed clearly that McCain and Palin were destined to lose, Sarah Palin declared loudly that she had complete Faith in God, that she would wake up on the day after the election, and she would have been chosen as Vice president."

"Right-Wing Christians liked to call themselves 'the Christian Coalition' even though even the most elementary analysis would show that Christians hold poltical views across the entire poltical spectrum....from far-left, centrist...to right-wing Christians. The term 'Christian Coalition' is an oxymoron" Professor Hampton emphasized.

'Republicans tend to create God in their own image," Professor Hampton continued. "But God is not a bimbo who waddles across a stage in a bathing suit competition, and then declares that she will be divinely annointed Vice President of the United Sates."

Editors note: Evan Essence received his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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