Barack Obama, newly sworn in President of the United States, has stated that manufacturers of the condiment mayonnaise are all racists and need to work to change their image. From the White House Press Room, he delivered the following statement.
"In an era where Americans can elect their first black president and in the week that we celebrate the 200th birthday of Abraham Lincoln, the great emancipator, people all over this country still have to live every day with the low minded racism of food manufacturing companies.
"Have you noticed that all mayonnaise is white? There is no brown mayo. There is no yellow mayo, or red mayo, or black mayo. There is only white mayonnaise. One company even dares to call it's product Best Foods! Another one says that their product is Miracle Whip, as if miracles only happen to Caucasians."
"Mustard companies make brown mustard and yellow mustard and spicy mustard and deli mustard and all types of mustard. They are the rainbow condiment."
"As of this day, I am calling on the American people and the world to boycott the use and purchase of mayonnaise until manufacturers recognize that more than one race of people eat their products."
Oprah Winfrey, the woman who controls the puppet strings, approved this message.