Written by Roy Turse
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Topics: Economy, Money

Friday, 6 February 2009

image for 0% interest on savings? Do something useful with it.
Screen reads: NO MONEY FOR YOU

In a harmless comment to just the few people who comprise the BBC's total worldwide audience and anyone on the planet who has internet access, they today addressed anyone with over £100 in an account which was now at, or close to, 0% interest:

"Take your money out and buy Premium Bonds", an article said, "That way you'll still get 0% interest, but you could win a million quid."

Within forty-five minutes of the announcement the subsequent run on banks across the country made the Northern Rock fiasco look genteel. High Streets across the nation resembled Alton Towers as queues of disgruntled investors waited to recover their stakes from their recently nationalised depositories. Being told that they couldn't have their cash until oil hit $228 a barrel or Billy-Bob paid off his mortgage in full did not go down well.

In a shock move the government intervened, promising up to a trillion pounds sterling in audit-free 'loans' to the banking industry in 2010, provided they immediately release the investors' money by liquidating the various offshore accounts holding the banker's bonus portfolios.

The story became somewhat clearer when the treasury let slip that MP's pensions were being propped up by the Premium Bond Fund. Within the next two days it is expected that the massively increased Premium Bond coffers will be nationalised for the good of the country.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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