Written by dannline
Print this
Topics: Economy, Banks, bailout, Davos

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

image for Davos demands recapitalisation over wine riot
Bankers climb every mountain to find booze

Representatives at this year's Davos conference are rioting, according to Twitter reports from the Swiss resort.

A series of meetings have been placed at risk after delegates have taken to violence over bar bills.

At a meeting dubbed Banking After Toxicity, bankers charged at the bar when it was announced there was limit of CHF12,000.

Whispers of bar limits, after which representatives of banks and governments would have to pay for their own wine, spread through the conference ending violence.

BBC bloggers reported credit cards being sharpened and held to bar staff throats.

One attendee said: "I was told there would be open bars. I only hung around at Barclays 'cos they said it'd be free.

"I'd've taken the redundancy package elseways. No wonder Bobby Diamond never came.

"How am I too find a job if they aren't pissed?"

After Swiss police satiated gangs of drink deprived bankers with liqueur chocolates, further violence erupted after rumours spread the Music Thought Management 2009 seminar was offering free champagne all night.

An MTM2Ko9 organizer said: "Last year we got 34 people here, including waiting staff.

"I guess 139 turned up. We couldn't, 'ow you say, cope."

Aristotle Hess, lead owner of Davos, said: "This is a major financial crisis.

"We are calling on governments to recapitalise Davos.

"An injection of CHF 14 billion will provide a full bar of the necessary Champagne. This money spent now will be an investment. It is an emergency, the fridges in rooms are empty.

"Without this cash, representatives will return to their banks and governments with expense demands that will bankrupt them."

The IMF has already stated aid to Googlestan will be suspended to cover their representatives' bar bills.

However, news of the bailout has led to massive EU promises of support that may bankrupt the IMF in covering short-term bar bills.

An IMF insider said: "France offered 12 billion euros over 7 years to the fund, but we cannot cover the bar bill now."

Make dannline's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 1?

5 3 21 14
96 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more