Supermarket titan Asda has offered a lifeline to bankers left redundant as a result of the economic crisis, with the announcement of new employment opportunities.
Asda said "we are delighted to be helping out bankers in their current straitened times. As a result, we are making around 7,000 jobs available to redundant financiers, hedge-fund managers and investment bankers".
The roles being offered to the former City high-flyers include 'Night-Shift Stock Restoration Operative' and 'Dining-Area Tray Reclamation Officer', with salaries of up to £6.40 per hour for the top employees.
"Let's face it, after the way these people screwed up their institutions, we don't want them anywhere near the tills - there's no way they'd be able to balance them. But it keeps bankers off the streets, so we're helping the long-term unemployable".
Former Royal Bank of Scotland CEO Fred 'The Shred' Goodwin welcomed the move, adding that he intended to apply for the position of 'Assistant Trolley Recovery Agent'.