HOUSTON (AP) Halliburton, the world's leading provider of products and services to the oil and gas industry, revealed that two obscure investors are positioning themselves to take over the 85 year old Texas company. Dave Lesar, CEO for Halliburton is reporting that a pair of small ranchers from Crawford have been buying every share of Halliburton stock that comes to market. "Cedric Burgher over in Investor Relations told me that these two Crawford guys, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, are very close to taking over the whole damn company! Now, I don't know who these two fellers are, or what they think they're getting away with----but I've got some tricks up my sleeve. Halliburton has been in the oil bidness for a long time and we know how to deal with strangers."
Lesar went on to say, "We've been making a hell of a lot of money off this war in Iraq, and we're not about to share any of it with a couple of two-bit cowpokes from Crawford. It just so happens that the Police Chief up in Crawford is Donnie Tidmore---and he's my second cousin. He owes me a couple favors over some bogus bid for "security" in Baghdad... so he agreed that he would go out to their so-called ranch and beat the crap out of these Cheney and Bush boys for me. Hell... those names don't even sound like they're from Texas!"