Written by Kozmik Ken
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Sunday, 11 January 2009

image for God PLC in Woolworths Buy Out
Satan. Pipped to the post by God will now take over the UK's rail network

Astonishment has swept the business world this morning as God plc has made an offer to rescue the doomed Woolworths chain.

It appears that the move is an attempt to block a similar take over bid by Satan Inc, who wanted to convert the Woolworths chain into sex shops and theme pubs.

CEO of God plc, God said, "We've been quite dissatisfied with the way our own brand has been in decline over the last half century. Many of our own outlets have been bought out by arts centers and community groups. Over the years, We've tried to branch out into a quite a few denominations. We carried out a really big rebrand in the 6th century when Columba was our marketing manager and another in the mid 16th century, which were successful at the time but we feel that now is the right time to change direction, branch out into the high street and refresh our brand of the 21st century."

Satan Inc have withdrawn their own plans to bid and are now said to be looking into investing in transport infrastructure. The Satan Group of Companies includes McDonalds, Manchester United, Vivitar and Travel Lodge.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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