DALLAS, TX - Who's got a beef? Mick Donald's, that's who. Never one to be outdone, Mickey D's has introduced a well-timed response to its competitor's angry whopper of a burger - the all new Mad Mac. This double-stacked, mouth-watering, mad as hell munchable is guaranteed to raise your ire, not to mention the level of bile in your stomach.
The heartburn harbinger of a cheesed-off cheeseburger comes smothered in miffed mayo, bitchy barbeque sauce and malicious mustard, then piled high with livid lettuce, pissed-off peppers, provoked pickles, outraged onions and ticked-off tomatoes, all on a scowling sesame seed topped bun. And if that wasn't enough, you can order the vengeful value meal with furious fries, an acerbic apple pie, and a cross cola.
"I've got to tell you, I'm a little angry myself that I should even have to introduce food items like these, but the state of the economy has Americans mad as hell these days," said Mick Donald, CEO of Mickey D's. "Burgers like these represent just one affordable way they can get some of this anger off their chests. They can take it out on their food."
Cole Esterol seems to agree. "It's about time these sons-of-bitches started putting some angry items on their menus. I wanted to strangle that punk-ass kid that took my order," he added. "But now I don't have to. I'm gonna eat two of these mother-f**kers. Now, get the hell out my face."
Sales should easily meet Mickey D's expectations. With fine dining taking a nose dive and Ramen noodle sales going through the roof, economic indicators seem to point toward more Americans eating at establishments like these anyway. And with irritated items like these hitting the market, it looks like the trend toward malevolent menus will be with us for a while.