Written by cwthomson
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Wednesday, 7 January 2009

image for New iVibe to Hit Sex Shops in Time for Valentine's Day

SAN JOSE, CA - AppleCo is creating quite a "buzz" in the marketplace, unexpectedly branching out into the marital aid market. The latest in the company's hugely successful line of products, the new iVibe, will be hitting adult stores in early February, just in time for Valentine's Day. On the heels of this news, company stocks have reached a fevered climax in recent days, riding marketplace trends.

"AppleCo just keeps coming and coming with great new products, and this is no exception," says consumer analyst Mona Lott. She says it would "do consumers well" to purchase one of these devices. "We're getting a lot of good vibrations from this latest addition to their line of products."

With nearly two years of product research going into and out of its development, the new iVibe is a study in versatility. It plugs into any laptop, features voice activated speed settings, responding to such commands as "Faster! Faster! Faster!" and "A little bit slower... ooh yeah! Right there." It has four gigs of memory, more than sufficient to hold a variety of audio and visual aids for use while engaged with the product. AppleCo also re-employs the use of translucent colored plastics seen less and less since the company began phasing them out in 2001.

As expected, consumers are all aquiver, breathless with anticipation for the new iVibe. Though its scheduled release date is not for another four weeks, many have already begun camping out on sidewalks in front of their favorite sex shops, eager to be first in line to purchase one of the new pulsating pocket pals.

"This should establish us as a market leader in portable marital aids. I simply can't get enough of mine," says Ima Nympho, supervisor of AppleCo's product design team for the new iVibe. "This is going to outsell Viagra."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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