Bernard Madoff, who recently confessed to having swindled up to $50 billion from investors and hedge fund managers, has dramatically changed his plea.
Madoff, 70, currently under house arrest, and forced to wear an electronic tag, now claims that he lost the money whilst on a fact-finding trip to the Large Hadron Collider, which was recently found to have been responsible for the creation of a Financial Black Hole.
"I had all the money in my briefcase, and rested it on the LHC while I got an expresso from the coffee machine.
"When I turned back, my briefcase was missing. I figured that some putz was playing a joke. I played along for a while, y'know, turning this way and that, but nobody was laughing - indeed they were looking at me kinda strange.
"I didn't want to cause a scene, and figured that I would get it back pretty quick, but I guess the anniversary date of the fund came round too soon.
"Now, I figure it must have fell into that gosh-darned Black Hole. Who'da thunk it?
Referring to the imminent construction of a second LHC in Fiji (which will attempt to create a second Black Hole, through which items in the first Black Hole may pass through, Madoff said: "I'm waiting on the Fijians to come clean and admit the briefcase has turned up safe and sound, but in my book, they've always been shifty.
A spokesman from the Fijian Diplomatic Corps has lodged a strongly-worded letter of complaint to the US, reminding the US State Department of a Fijian's innate honesty.