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Topics: Breasts, cheese, Milk

Sunday, 21 December 2008

image for Dairy Group Approves Cheese Made From Breast Milk
Enjoy a nipple! It's a natural snack

The Dairy Council of America, an independent board of major dairy owners, approved the retail sales of cheese made from breast milk under the "cheese" and "dairy" names. The products are scheduled to begin hitting store shelves at the beginning of the year.

Spokesman Roger Simmons said that "we are planning to market this product internationally. People all over who are lactose intollerant can still have natural, human breast milk."

Our cheese will come in different varieties. Cheese from Mexico will be marketed as Monterrey Josefina. Our form of brie will be called "boobrie."

Most interesting, from a marketing point of view, are the package types. Instead of being sold, as are other cheeses, in bricks, blocks, tubs, or wheels, breast milk cheese will be molded into the shape of baby bottle tips (nipple).

One mistake in packaging was found early. Instead of labeling the product "The natural treat," the "r" was left out accidentally. Subsequent wrappers have been corrected and the product is now ready for distribution.

The spokesman did say that if the product gained in popularity over current projections, human volunteers would be needed to provied more dairy product. "We'll pay the women, of course. We don't, however, anticipate the need for more men to attach the milking apparatus as the ones that we have all say that they will put in whatever hours are needed. We've also had zero turnover in this department!"

Simmons concluded his remarks by saying that "you see kids walking around all of the time eating a package of string cheese, Now, they can enjoy that same snack by putting a nipple in their mouth.

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