The 2008 recession has proven to bad for all business except one. The evangelical enterprise of numbing the hopelessness of the ordinary human by relieving them of their last dime has turned out to be a boom industry.
Church attendance is skyrocketing as the unemployed and the recently evicted desperately seek some succor. The very Reverend Holly R Dandow said that she's in the market for a new mansion since her collection plate had to be replaced by a very big bunch of buckets:
"We had eight thousand souls saved at the Holly R Dandow Mission and those newly saved gave what was left of their life savings to the mission."
Archbishop Charlotte Tan of the Bringing in the Sheep and Wool Processing Plant reported a similar windfall:
"The poor lost ones have begged me to save them and didn't even seem to mind that the costly grace of salvation required that they unburden themselves of stocks, bonds and mortgages...All I can say is Thank You, Jesus!!