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Saturday, 13 December 2008

image for Sarah Palin & Nigella Launch Alaskan Fur Fashion Line
This Alaskan Polar Bear was trapped by Nigella's Slut Red Raspberries in Chardonnay Jelly and is destined for Moscow shor

Bear Trap, Alaska - America and Britain's two most powerful female media figures have teamed up to launch an exclusive range of luxury furs.

Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin often touted her hunting abilities during her campaign for the American Vice-Presidency as the Republican nominee. Photos of Palin posing with dead grizzly bears and wolves shot from low flying planes and helicopters have filled the internet.

Domestic goddess Nigella, well-known for her sexy double-entendred cooking series, recently stated that she would shoot a bear in Alaska and proudly wear the skin as a trophy if necessary in self defence.

The remark produced a furore from animal rights groups who said Nigella had blood on her hands and should stick to making puddings.

At a recent press conference to announce their business partnership, Sarah and Nigella said they each thought of the idea of a joint-fur venture almost simultaneously.

"Hey guys, it was sorta like that menstrual cycle thing where women start having their periods together," stated Gov Palin, wearing a wolf's fur-trimmed hat and matching glasses. "Weird, huh?"

"I was home alone admiring one of my hunting trophies" added Palin, "when I got this weird urge to fill the trophy cup with Nigella's Slut Red Raspberries in Chardonnay Jelly. It was so decadent. Tom was out on the pipeline, and I licked the trophy cup clean myself."

Nigella, donning a full-length grizzly bear coat, and munching on a home-baked bear claw agreed.

"After the One Show interview, I went home and got bare naked and started craving a Baked Alaska pudding. As I opened the fridge door and the blast of cold air hardened my nipples, I just thought of Sarah for some reason so I gave her a call."

Sarah Palin admitted that when she first received the phone call, she didn't believe it was really Nigella. "After that Canadian prank call claiming to be French President Nicholas Sarkozy, I'm a bit gun-shy," admitted Palin.

"She sounded English on the phone, but a lot of Canadians talk English with an accent as well, so you've got to be careful."

The new Nigella-Palin line is to be called Baked Alaska Slut Furs, and pre-production orders are pouring in from luxury goods shops worldwide.

"We just had a huge order for our Slut Red Raspberry Chardonnay Silver Fox jackets from Russia," gushed Sarah Palin, adding that she could see Russia from her house in Wasilla, Alaska.

"Nigella's idea of leaving the fur with a blood-stained blush was brilliant and is going down very well in Moscow."

Another popular item being ordered by Harrods in London is their Princess Dianna inspired Slut Ermine stole. "Mmmmm, we're leaving the knife that killed the ermine stabbed into the back of the stole," explained Nigella,much to the horror of Palace officials and knife-crime victim lobbyists.

Animal rights groups have denounced the new Baked Alaska Slut Furs venture and attacked both Palin and Nigella vehemently.

Activist Sophie Hemp stated, "It would be different if all those polar bears, exhausted from swimming due to the polar ice cap melting, just beached themselves like whales outside Sarah Palin's house in Alaska. Then it would make sense for her to butcher them and use their fur in the fashion industry."

"But for Nigella to bear-bait traps with her Luscious Blueberry Swirl Mouse is just plain cruel."

Despite much public outcry, the luxury fur industry seems to be booming even in the current economic downturn, and Sarah Palin and Nigella are expected to make a killing in their new joint venture.

"Hey, it's better to kill them critters from low-flying planes than high-flying planes," pronounced Gov Palin.

"Nigella added, "If Sophie Hemp looked as good as I do in my new Bare Naked Bear Skin Slut coat, I bet her menstrual cycle would be more in sync with me and Sarah."

"Anyway, just to show there're no hard feelings", said a lightly frosted Nigella, "I just baked a batch of luscious hemp brownies and my chauffur is delivering them to Sophie Hemp as we speak. Mmmmm."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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