Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Woolworths

Thursday, 11 December 2008

image for Woolworths '100% Off Sale' Causes Mayhem In Brixton
Crowds go mad at Woolies

There was chaos in Brixton this morning as the Woolworths closing down sale got under way, when goods offered with a 100% reduction became the target for bargain-hungry shoppers.

Several people were hurt as some customers barged their way towards the special offers which had been wrongly priced - a '10% Off' sticker had been changed by thoughtless louts to read '100% Off' - and a First Aid officer was called to administer plasters, which were also on sale at 50p.

Some customers voiced their anger outside the manager's office, which was pointless, as he was laid off weeks ago.

Sales assistant, Maud Snatch, said:

"That's the wonder of Woolies! Now fuck off."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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